What Sex Outside Marriage Says About You

Interview with Paul Tripp 

Audio Transcript

This week we are talking with speaker and author Paul Tripp. Paul is the author of a really helpful book titled, Sex and Money. And Paul, one of the themes throughout the book that you make - and it’s an important one - is that sexuality is never secular. Sex is always spiritual. Sex is always worship. Explain this dynamic.

Well, in order to understand the worship nature of sex, again, you have to go back to how we were constructed. Worship is not first an activity. When many Christians hear the word “worship,” they hear Sunday morning, a service, a gathering or, if it is a really cool church, Saturday night. And what is important to understand is that worship is first my identity before it is ever my activity. I don’t just worship on Sunday.

I really worship my way through every moment of every day - every situation, every location, every relationship involves worship. I mean you could argue that, if you took apart the motivation of human beings, the only thing we ever do is worship.

Now, what does that mean? It means that something is always lord over my heart. Something is always controlling my heart, the heart is the seat of my thoughts, the seat of my emotions, the seat of my will and my choices. So it is the control centre of my humanness. So it is impossible for my life not to be ruled by worship.

For example, the words that I say to the people in my life are controlled by what I am worshipping. Think about this: If I am worshipping pleasure and you are in the way of my pleasure, I am going to say angry words to you. But if I am worshipping God and you are in the way of my pleasure, I am going to be patient, kind, and forgiving to you. That is the difference. And so it is impossible for me to take off my worship nature when I am pursuing human sexuality. It is structured by what I am worshipping.

Now let’s be practical. If I am worshipping myself, I will use you for my pleasure and I will hurt you. If I am worshipping sex, I will deny boundaries and go wherever sexual pleasure leads me. If I am worshipping the other person, I will try to find satisfaction in that person that I am never able to find, hurt them, and hurt myself. If I am worshipping God, then I am going to love the boundaries he has set for me, I am going to love my neighbour as myself, and sex will live the way it is supposed to live.
That’s good. So what would you say to an unmarried couple who is presently living together?

This response will sound harsh at first, but let me explain. I would say that God is smarter than you. And when you say, “No, I am not going to stand inside of God’s boundaries,” you are actually saying, “I know more about me and this relationship than God does.” Now God knows that sex is only safe in the context of a long-term, committed relationship between a man and a woman called marriage.

There may be mysteries to that which I will never understand, but I submit myself because I understand God as my Creator knows me. God as Creator knows the sex, and he knows that it is best expressed, it is best beautified and protected and made holy, inside of these boundaries. How arrogant would it be for me to say, “No, I know better”?




Cred:
President, Paul Tripp Ministries,
Paul Tripp is a pastor and conference speaker.    Read also The (Sometimes frustrating) gift of sex

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Seeking Allah Finding Jesus author Nabeel Qureshi dies

Evangelist and best-selling author Nabeel Qureshi dies of cancer at the age of just 34

Nabeel Qureshi, the best-selling author and Christian apologist who was a convert from Islam, has died of cancer. He was just 34 years old.

He was diagnosed a year ago when he was given a very low chance of survival. His faith remained steadfast throughout the ordeal that followed.

'Today, September 16, our dear brother in Christ Nabeel Qureshi went to be with the Lord following a year-long battle with cancer. We received this news with deep sadness and yet profound hope, confident that he is finally and fully healed in the presence of his Savior,' Ravi Zacharias International Ministries posted.

'Please join the RZIM team in praying for Nabeel's wife, Michelle, and his daughter, Ayah, as well as for his parents and extended family. We know this is Nabeel's gain, but a tremendous loss for all those who loved him and were impacted by his life and testimony on earth.'

After seeing Nabeel back in May for the last time, Ravi Zacharias wrote:

You will be freed to the joy of life where there are no more fears, no more tears, no more hate, no more bloodshed, because you will be with the One who has already shed his blood for you, where love is supreme, grace abounds, and the consummate joy is of the soul. The smile of God awaits you: 'Well done.'

The Gospel Coalition carried a tribute, explaining how Nabeel was born in California as a U.S. citizen to Pakistani immigrants who fled religious persecution at the hands of fellow Muslims. His parents were devout members of the peaceful Ahmadi sect of Islam, which differs from orthodox Islam on some minor doctrines but shares with it a belief in the six articles of faith.

The author of No God But One: Allah or Jesus?  explained his decision to convert to Christianity at the age of 22 in a pinned tweet from April 2014: 'I left Islam because I studied Muhammad's life. I accepted the Gospel because I studied Jesus' life. #MyStory #SeekingAllahFindingJesus'

His latest tweet was a vlog from his hospital bed, on 9 September:

He also posted videos on YouTube and other updates on social media as his illness progressed. 'The results aren't good,' he said on YouTube recently. 'The radiation apparently didn't work too well.'

In an interview with Christian Today before he was diagnosed, Nabeel described how he believes the world is in the midst of an Islamic reformation. This means a return to the religion's fundamentals, he told Christian Today, and there is no doubt that these fundamentals are explicitly violent.

He said: 'There is a basis to believe in Jesus. He rose from the dead. You can check that historically. You don't have to believe it on blind faith. The Koran says if you believe Jesus is God, you will go to hell. (ch 5:72) whereas Romans (10:9) tells us we need to believe that to be saved. So they are exactly contrary. Therefore you cannot be both Christian and Muslim.'

In his short life, Nabeel had qualified as a doctor, gained a degree in Christian apologetics, a masters in religion and an MPhil in Judaism and Christianity at Christ Church, Oxford. He had hoped to progress onto a PhD.

He received death threats after his conversion.

'Within a month of becoming a Christian, someone left a note on my car. The vast majority of death threats are from people online, they are just people letting off steam. I've been told now to let people know when it happens. Before I just blocked and moved on.'

He had seen too much to have doubts. 'The only people that truly doubt a supernatural reality are people born and raised in the sheltered West.'

Your Testimony - God’s Story in You

You have a story and if your story is God’s story in you, then that story is a testimony and can be a powerful witness for Jesus Christ. Sharing your story requires thought but no special training. “You are an expert on what happened to you!” And you can share your testimony anywhere with anyone and give them the “reason for the hope that is in you.”

You can share about Jesus Christ through your story - what God has done for you, what He is doing, and how you have experienced his grace and goodness in your life.


Here’s a question for you: Are you Ready to share your faith story with others and how God’s story has transformed your story?  please use the contact us form or send an email via businessofchrist@gmail.com


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Churches must improve treatment of singles

Churches must improve treatment of singles or risk losing them, author says

Gina Dalfonzo

It’s high time churches wake up and smell the coffee when it comes to the single adults in their pews - and for the even bigger number of singles who aren’t there.

That’s a message book One by One: Welcoming the Singles in Your Church, is busily and urgently sharing with media outlets, pastors, laypeople and anyone else who will listen.
Gina Dalfonzo, author of the 2017

Just look at the numbers provided in recent surveys, she says. The Pew Research Center found that the number of married Americans is at its lowest point - about 50 percent - since 1920. Meanwhile the Barna Group reported that 23 percent of active churchgoers are single.
Yet, church-going singles consistently report feeling like second-class citizens in their own sanctuaries.

“The question is what are churches going to do about that?” said Dalfonzo, editor of BreakPoint, a project of The Colson Center for Christian Worldview.

Congregations should be paying attention to the fact that demographics are trending away from marriage, and adjust their programs appropriately for the settings, she said. Failure to do so risks sending them out to join the growing ranks of the nones and dones.

Baptist News Global interviewed Dalfonzo about her observations. Here is some of what she had to say.

Did this trend with singles emerge with the rise of the Millennials?

I think it was before that. I am Gen-X myself… I was just noticing a lot of it going on among my generation. There was such a disconnect with marriage and relationships…. For a lot of us, it just wasn’t happening. Not only were we not getting married, we weren’t going on dates.

You write in Christianity Today about evangelical churches struggling with this issue. Are there other groups getting it right?

It’s hard for me to say. I went to a non-denominational evangelical church for about 30 years and now am attending an Anglican church. From what I see and what I hear, there are problems all over the denominations. The book and the message seem to be meeting with a pretty good response, which gives me some hope the time is right for this message and people are going to listen to this message.

How big of a problem is loneliness for singles - and how is it expressed?

It’s just a pattern that seems to emerge when you talk to people. I interviewed a number of single people for the book, via questionnaire, about their experiences… and loneliness is one of those factors that emerge. What is unfortunate is that the church is exacerbating that loneness when it should be the one rushing in to fill the gap.

What does it mean to take more seriously the stories of single people?

This is part of human nature. Our tendency, if someone says they are lonely or unhappy or bored, is to rush in and say “I’m just as lonely as you.” I think that’s a large cause of a lot of the trouble. Singles are still a minority point of view in the church, so single people are used to hearing the stories of married people. Married people are not usually used to hearing single people’s stories…. One story came from a single man who said he has often had the experience of families getting together after church and forgetting to invite him along.

Is this what you mean when writing that single people are often ‘outside the system’ at church?

Married people are the mainstream and their experiences shape the teaching, how we see things, who gets to be in leadership, our social activities and all kinds of things. It is centered on families and married people because that is the norm. In my book I cite a New York Times article on why single pastors don’t get hired. It’s just such a foreign thing in the church.

What kind of ministries can address these issues?

I think ministries can help. I think this is something churches can do on a case by case basis. Demographics are different and situations are different. They need to listen to their single people.

How can individuals make a difference?

Of course, listening to the stories is a very big part of it. But it comes down to our theology and our willingness to absorb it and live it out, especially if we really believe everyone is equally made by God and redeemed by Christ regardless of marital status…. We need to revisit and refocus on what we say we believe and be willing to look around and see the single people in the  church and not just look past them…. I do believe single people have a lot to teach married people in the church. We are living counter culturally in the world and the church is always saying we need to do that.

Do you have any evidence that singles are leaving the church over these issues?

I have heard a lot of single people who say they are done or are leaving or have left, but I don’t have a lot of numbers on that. The mere fact that only 23 percent of church goers are single is telling because the rate outside the church is so much higher. Why aren’t we getting more singles in the door?

What can singles do to contribute to a better situation in the church?

It’s not easy but I think we need patience and persistence and to just share what we can every chance we get.

How have your book and its message been received?

I have been really encouraged by the response. People have been saying this really opened their eyes and they are thinking about singles differently now. My favorite response came from a woman who… said she never invited single people over to dinner outside of her family, and that she was going to start doing that. That’s such a positive, practical thing to do.

Have you experienced what it’s like to be single in the church?

I’ve never been married and I guess it was just an idea that came to me and stayed with me over the years because I was hearing people say things about singles in the church that were not really true, that were tactless and thoughtless. And and you think, how can you say that? It’s because they are not seeing us for who we are….

What are some of those stereotypes?

With a single woman they might say she didn’t put herself out there enough - or she up herself out there too much. There are so many things that just leave you feeling like you can’t do anything right. Because you are single you must be selfish or you must be immature. And some pastors will say that marriage is what makes you into a mature Christian, with the implication being that if you’re not married, you’re not mature.




This article was first published at Baptist News