Why Are Millennials Leaving Church?

Why Are Millennials Leaving Church? Millennials Explain

\Nearly one year ago, Sam Eaton, a millennial from Minneapolis, wrote a blog post detailing "12 reasons millennials are over the church." Since then, he has received thousands of hateful and angry comments. But what he wants Christians to know is that that was his love letter to the American church.

"I got a lot of hate for this," said Eaton, an elementary school music teacher and founder of a suicide prevention ministry called Recklessly Alive. "I love the church like Christ loved the church. I want to see it prospering and I look around and I see my generation has left."

Eaton was joined this week by two other millennials to discuss his controversial blog post on "The Table" podcast, hosted by Dr Darrell Bock, executive director for Cultural Engagement at the Hendricks Center at Dallas Theological Seminary.
Bock invited them to try to better understand what millennials are thinking and why so many are leaving the church.

For one, millennials want to be mentored, not preached at.

"Preaching just doesn't reach our generation like our parents and grandparents. See millennial church attendance. We have millions of podcasts and Youtube videos of pastors the world over at our fingertips," Eaton wrote on his 2016 blog.

"Millennials crave a relationship, to have someone walking beside them through the muck. We are the generation with the highest ever percentage of fatherless homes. We're looking for mentors who are authentically invested in our lives and our future. If we don't have real people who actually care about us, why not just listen to a sermon from the couch?"

Eaton clarified on the podcast that he's not advising churches to stop preaching the Gospel to the younger generation.

"But if you're relying on that to drive millennials into your church, it's just not going to work because if I'm struggling with fear today, I can sit at home with my sweatpants and find 50 sermons by Francis Chan about fear," he explained. "Yes, keep preaching but also come around us … teach me how to live these things out."

Millennials not only want to be mentored but they also want to be heard and valued for who they are in a world that says they're not good enough.

Another reason millennials are "over the church" is that they're sick of hearing about values and mission statements.

"Stop wasting time on the religious mambo jumbo and get back to the heart of the gospel," Eaton wrote.

Expanding on that, Eaton said this week that though churchgoers need a common mission, they're not impressed when the church spends more time talking about the mission statement than putting it into action.

Kat L. Armstrong, executive director of Polished, a ministry for young professional women, believes integrity is a big issue among millennials.

"I think millennials are serious about integrity in a way we've never seen before," she said on the podcast. "Let's have some integrity behind our words."

Part of that includes serving the "least of these," Eaton noted.

While many churches schedule countless "church-type activities" such as Bible studies, social functions and planning meetings, very little time is being devoted to helping the poor or least fortunate, Eaton argued.

"I'm not saying we shouldn't be studying the Word of God; we should be studying that every single day. You should be in a Bible study … [or] in a small group but if that's it, you're kinda missing the point of this book (Bible)," he explained.

"I just don't know how you can read James or Matthew 25, the least of these, and just go back to your normal American life and not live it out."

Millennials are also tired of the church blaming the culture for everything, Eaton noted.

Nika Spaulding, director of Women's Equipping and Curriculum at Watermark Church in Dallas, said the young adult generation needs help interpreting the culture.

"Rather than hearing it's evil and dangerous, help us interpret it," she said on the podcast. "That kind of teaching requires nuance … to help you navigate this world that is utterly broken and yet has redemptive value throughout it that we can find."

The church also needs to start addressing controversial issues rather than avoiding it.

Issues include career, education, relationships, marriage, sex, finances, children, purpose, chemicals and body image.

"We don't like how the world is telling us to live, but we never hear from our church either," Eaton, who once struggled with suicidal thoughts, lamented.

"Tell us what the Bible says about these issues and then give us some space to wrestle with it ourselves and let us talk to God about what the Bible says," he said.

Another big issue millennials have with churches is distrust and misallocation of resources.

"Over and over we've been told to 'tithe' and give 10% of our incomes to the church but where does that money actually go? Millennials, more than any other generation, don't trust institutions for we have witnessed over and over how corrupt and self-serving they can be," Eaton wrote.

What millennials want is "painstaking transparency" - such as a document on the church website tracking every dollar, he suggested.

Spaulding noted, "We're being lectured all the time, 'you're living beyond your means' and then you look at this $5 million debt of a [church] building."

She said her church has a rule "where if my budget went on the front of the Dallas Morning News, would I be comfortable with that?"

"I think that holds me to a different level of accountability," she noted. "Would I feel comfortable telling the 20-year-old who gave 10 per cent of their $12,000 salary and the 60-year-old who … also gave me 10 per cent of their $150,000 salary, am I valuing their contributions?"

According to a 2013 Barna survey, 59 per cent of millennials (born between 1984 through 2002) who grew up in the church have dropped out at some point. Over a third said they left because of the church's irrelevance, hypocrisy and moral failures of its leaders. Meanwhile, two out of 10 said they feel God is missing in church.

Armstrong said she hopes that churches can put "some defenses down" and "take some ownership on this" as they try to bring millennials back to church.

Bock agreed that change is needed.

"How can we preach and teach transformation and then not be willing to change? That doesn't make sense at all," he said. "So to be challenged to do better is not something that should threaten the church, it's something the church should welcome."




Cred: Christian Post

Parenting and the Marriage Mess

How to keep your relationship strong through the struggles of child-rearing

"It felt like breaking up with myself," says Lisa-Jo Baker, describing the challenge of becoming a parent. "Because there are all these things you used to love about yourself and your life without kids-things you didn't even realize were special at the time. Those late-afternoon naps. Those spontaneous movie nights. Uninterrupted meals, sleep, bathroom breaks."

Mom of three and the author of Surprised by Motherhood: Everything I Never Expected About Being a Mom, Lisa-Jo continues, "And then the kids arrive and they huff and they puff and they blow your life down. It can be a disorienting experience that takes a while to wrap your head around how you are breaking up with yourself for someone you love so much more."

The reality of parenting is that along with all the amazing joy, blessing, delight, and soul-deep love can come some heavy tolls: emotional struggles, stress, exhaustion, frustration, and a sense of lost identity. These are serious matters that are tough to grapple with. But these tolls don't just cost us as individuals-they can exact a dangerously high price from our marriages as well.

Time and time again, counselors and family experts report that parenting conflicts are a huge source of marital problems-and time and time again, our experiences bear this out. If you've got kids, then you know this to be true: It doesn't take much for parenting challenges to boil over into relationship struggles.

Completely and utterly drained

For Leslie Burke-mother to a two-year-old and a four-month-old-one of the main parenting struggles that have led to challenges in her marriage has been how transitioning from working full-time in a gratifying job to the often thankless daily tasks of stay-at-home motherhood has affected her own emotions and energy level. "When I worked full-time, I achieved daily goals and made tangible progress on projects. I experienced success," Leslie explains. "But now, as a full-time mom, I struggle daily trying to get kids to sleep, trying to get them to eat, trying to keep the house in reasonable order."

Leslie's experience is common one-full-hearted parenting involves a lot of tending, serving, and giving . . . which invariably means it can feel like there's not much left to give to one's husband. "I can easily become short with my husband Pat, inadvertently showing little care or concern for his needs," Leslie candidly shares. "Over a long stretch of time, this really wears on our relationship and it feels like all of our interactions are ungracious or contentious."

Different and divided

"You'll often find me saying 'parenting is stinking hard sometimes!'" says Erin Smalley, co-author (with her husband, Greg, and father-in-law, Gary Smalley) of the forthcoming book, The Wholehearted Wife. Mom to four kids spanning 20- to 6-years-old, Erin explains that the main challenge she's faced in this arena is when she and her husband have different approaches to parenting. For example, Erin shares, "One area that has challenged us is our different opinions on movies and video games with our son." Erin often takes a more conservative stance on digital media while Greg tends to see movies or video games as launching pads for a conversation with their son. They can slip into what Erin calls a "reactive cycle" in which they're just reacting to each other rather than working toward a win-win.

For me, one sure cause of marital struggle is when differences in parenting approaches get intermingled with protective parental instincts-with the mama-bear (or papa-bear) desire to step in and protect our children. Though my husband and I share a pretty unified vision and philosophy for how we parent, there are inevitably times when one of us is responding to a situation in a way the other perceives as too strict or too harsh or just too different than how we would do it ourselves. Then those protective instincts kick in.
When physical and emotional exhaustion are thrown into the mix with parenting differences and protective (and often prideful) reactions, you've got a mess on your hands. A great, big, huge, marital mess.

Strategies for battling the marriage mess

The challenges that parenting poses within marriage are inevitable. But letting those challenges become relationship-busting sources of tension, anger, resentment, or unresolved conflict? That's not inevitable. Rather than letting parenting-related marriage tension erode away at your relationship, you can take steps to shore up your relationship.

1. Know your (physical) limits.

In conflicts during her sleep-deprived season as a new mom, Lisa-Jo explains that her husband Peter "learned to tell me to take a nap. When I got all irritated at him for calling a 'time-out' on my tirade, he'd promise to pick it back up again after I'd slept. And of course, once I got some sleep, my sanity returned-as did my love for my kids and the man who made them with me." Don't try to be superhuman (even if parenting seems to demand it). Instead, recognize your physical limits and choose to prioritize sleep, exercise, and healthy eating so you're able to be more of who you really are.

2. Focus on faithfulness-not feelings.

For Leslie, being drained at the end of the day from her role as a parent to two young boys is a reality-but she also strives to combat its emotional toll. "I choose to be intentional about moving the focus from myself, how my day was, and so on, and instead remember that this is the role God has called me to-being faithful is a success whether or not it feels like it," she says. Leslie also navigates the tough spots by reminding herself that she and her husband, Pat, are on the same team.

3. Review your common ground.

Though Erin and her husband see some parenting issues differently (as all married couples do), Erin strives to be realistic about these natural differences rather than take them personally. Yet despite those differences, Erin and her husband like to look back and reminisce over common ground and shared experiences in their marriage. "Often we can laugh together-when enough time has passed-as we process how we reacted in different scenarios, as we rejoice at where our kids are now, and honestly land at 'We actually are pretty great together,'" Erin says.

4. Prioritize fun.

Whether it's a regular date night or a favorite TV show and snacks on the couch after the kids' bedtime, take time to have fun with your husband. Don't let life steal your joy! And don't, absolutely don't, reserve all your joy and smiles and energy for your kids-leave some for your husband too! I can be guilty of this too . . . so as a valiant act of resistance, choose to laugh together! Tickle, tell jokes, make out! Play games or try sushi or go for a run or whatever it is that makes both of you smile from deep down inside.
This stuff-this miraculous glue of having fun together-is what strengthens the bond needed for those other moments of tension. It's an investment that helps you remember later on that you are a God-fashioned team.

5. Cling to Jesus.

The truth is that just as parenting puts a strain on the marriage relationship, it can also powerfully affect our spiritual lives-and not in a good way. When we're busy, giving constantly, pulled in a zillion directions, and just plain worn out, it's very easy to let our intimacy with Christ slide.
Yet it is in and through a strong relationship with Jesus that we're equipped to handle those tough aspects of parenting and marriage-to be forgiving, patient, kind, gentle, and full of grace. When we choose prayer and Christ-reliant humility during those tough moments of mom-desperation, we find a strength that shapes and empowers us to face life's challenges.

Clean up and build

In my house, there are often Lego-filled heaps left helter-skelter about the carpeting. Messes like these seem to come with the territory of having elementary-aged kids.
But as moms we ask our kids to clean up those messes. Often, in and through the cleaning, a little cottage emerges or a cool lavender car or a spaceship equipped with an amazing escape hatch. The cleaning up leads to something better.

And our parenting/marriage struggles can be the same. The inevitable mess just comes with the territory of being Mom and Dad and kids. But we don't have to wallow in the mess. We can clean it up. We can come together, get creative, have a little fun . . . and build.






By Kelli B. Trujillo

hero of murderous jihadist

Palestinian kids' TV makes hero of murderous jihadist

Continuing the trend of making heroes out of cold-blooded killers, Palestinian children’s television recently aired a program that declares an Islamic terrorist who has murdered more than 100 Israeli Jews a “role model.”

In the kid’s 10-minute From My Country TV show, arch-terrorist Abu Jihad - who the Palestinian Authority (PA) credits with murdering at least 125 Israeli Jews - is touted as a “role model to be followed.”

“The opening of the weekly 10-minute program - which has been broadcast twice so far - shows a cube with photos of six different Palestinian personalities,” Palestinian Media Watch (PMW) reported. “One of them is terrorist Abu Jihad, who orchestrated numerous terror attacks against Israelis, among them the most lethal attack in Israel’s history - the Coastal Road Massacre - in which Palestinian terrorists hijacked a bus and murdered 37 civilians, among them 12 children.”

‘Hometown’ hero?

In the Palestinian television program broadcasted with the goal of recruiting future jihadists to brutally take over Israel in the name of the Islamic god, Allah, the young host of the show introduces the latest installment by inciting nationalism through portraying Palestinians’ selfless commitment to improve their so-called “homeland,” despite their “struggle” with Israeli Jews.

“Hello, my dear friends, and welcome to the program From My Country,” the Palestinian host opens up, according to PMW. “You certainly know how beautiful our country is: its villages, cities, historical, religious, archaeological and tourist sites. The most beautiful thing is that all of this beauty of our country is reflected by great personalities who have given and are giving much to the homeland, whether in the political, literary, artistic or scientific struggle.”

He then colors the aggression against the Israelis as being motivated by oppression, insisting that “weapons” are a valuable tool for Palestinians to artistically express the depth of their plight and pride in “their” land.

“The prominent personalities struggled by way of pens, paintbrushes, words, weapons, and knowledge … to express our appreciat[ion] and follow the example of these symbols,” the host continued. ”Let us always keep them in our memories.”

Like clockwork, the children’s TV show ties militant Islamic personalities with their hometowns to instill a sense of pride and duty in Palestinian youth, with the first episode featuring PA President Mahmoud Abbas, of Safed, and the second installment noting that late Palestinian cartoonist Naji Al-Ali was born and raised in Al-Shajara, where he accrued his jihadist beliefs.

“Each episode of From My Country is about a specific famous Palestinian personality and the town or city in ‘Palestine’ in which that person was born,” PMW’s Nan Jacques Zilberdik and Itamar Marcus announced on Wednesday. “The other ‘symbols’ included in the opening of the new PA TV children's program are current PA Chairman Mahmoud Abbas (Safed), former PA Chairman Yasser Arafat (Gaza), the Palestinian national poet Mahmoud Darwish (Al-Birweh), and female singer Rim Banna (Nazareth). The opening lists the birth place of Abu Jihad as Ramle and Kanafani's as Acre.”

Furry friends encourage brutal jihad

Abu Jihad is not the only character Palestinian children’s TV has used to motivate youngsters to take their place on the jihadist battlefield.

The long history of promoting jihad includes the use of Assud - a bunny character who was “martyred” in the name of jihad after he called for Palestinians to occupy Israeli cities to initiate an Islamic takeover of the land.

“We should teach our children that we have a land to which we must return: Jaffa, Acre, Haifa, and Tel Aviv,” the bunny character incited parents, according to WND. “We will return to all these cities, Allah willing.”

The use of animated and costumed characters to produce cold-blooded Muslim killers is nothing new.

“Palestinian television also featured the ‘martyrdom’ of Farfour, a Mickey Mouse-lookalike,” WND’s Bob Unruh reported.

Terrorist twos and sinister sixes

As early as two years old, Palestinian youth are told via their TV sets to annihilate their Jewish neighbors.

It was reported back in 2015 that a two-year-old Palestinian boy was broadcasted on official PA TV singing a song about his hope to become a martyr in the name of jihad - a tune that the Palestinian faction group, the Fatah Central Committee, claimed was instrumental in instilling a sense of belonging for Palestinians.

“Daddy, buy me a machine gun and a rifle [so I can kill Israelis],” the two-year-old sang, according to WND.

Another PA TV show around the same time featured two six-year-olds being interviewed in military fatigues, which each bragging that they aspired to “blow up the Jews” with ruthless determination. The questions were being asked by a girl just a little older than the boys, who posed the following inquiry to Muhammed - one of the two six-year-olds - about his poetry.

“Who taught this poem, Muhammad?” the young girl asked.

After the boy’s mother interjected that “Muhammad Ali Zakariya Al-Astal” taught the poem, the boy started reciting the following verses:

“Oh Jerusalem, I shall redeem you with my soul and my blood,” the boy orated the first verse before chanting two more. “I shall liberate you from the Jews by means of the Al-Qassam Brigades, of course. I bring glad tidings to our prisoners: Salvation is near.”

Inciting violent jihad through poetry is not the only way Palestinian children are taught to unload their indoctrinated hostility against Israeli Jews.

Zakaria, another interviewee, was asked about the reasoning behind his occupational choice on PA TV.

“[I want to be an engineer] so that I can blow up the Jews,” Zakaria proudly stated.

The program’s hostess then clarified to boy’s response.

“You want to blow up the Jews? No, we want to blow up the Zionists,” the TV personality corrected the boy. “You mean the occupation, right? Okay, so that is why you want to become an engineer?”

The use of Disney-like characters to incite jihad is not off limits to the Palestinians, either.

“In 2010, the terror group Hamas’ Al-Aqsa Television ‘martyred’ Assud and knocked off a Mickey Mouse-lookalike for the cause of jihad,” Unruh recounted.

Hellish holiday greetings

The same year, a “holiday song” credited to the world-recognized Palestinian terrorist group Hamas was performed by children and aired on Hamas Al-Aqsa TV.

The song, called “Give Us Our Pocket Money to Buy Guns and Wage Jihad,” or “Holiday Gun,” was sung by Palestinian youth MuhammadAl0Madhoun and Ibrahim Shek Khalil, and below is the script obtained by MEMRI:

Children’s choir: Dad, we put on our new clothes.

Give us our pocket money. Today is a holiday.

Dad, we put on our new clothes.

Give us our pocket money. Today is a holiday.

Me, my brother, and the neighborhood kids want to arm ourselves with guns.

Dad: My children, I’m worried about you.

This toy might harm your eyes.

My children, I’m worried about you.

This toy might harm your eyes.

Think about another toy.

You are the apple of my eye, may Allah protect you.

Child: Dad, we are a steadfast people.

These guns need hands to carry them.

Dad, we are a steadfast people.

These guns need hands to carry them.

Today we play, tomorrow we will wage Jihad.

How joyous my heart will be on the Day of Return.

Children’s choir: Dad, we put on our new clothes.

Give us our pocket money. Today is a holiday.

Dad, we put on our new clothes.

Give us our pocket money. Today is a holiday.

Me, my brother, and the neighborhood kids want to arm ourselves with guns.

Dad: Your words have filled my heart with joy.

How fortunate Al-Aqsa is to have boys like you.

Your words have filled my heart with joy.

How fortunate Al-Aqsa is to have boys like you.

Here’s your pocket money.

Go and buy yourself a gun.

Don’t shoot anyone but the enemy.

Child: Okay, Dad. Have a happy holiday.

How joyous my heart is when you put your hand in mine.

Okay, Dad. Have a happy holiday.

How joyous my heart is when you put your hand in mine.

I keep my light for my loved ones and my fire for the enemies.

What happiness!

What happiness!

Children’s choir: What happiness!

What happiness!




CLICK HERE TO SUBMIT A PRAYER REQUEST


Click here to join our Global non-denominational online community and engage in bible discussions, ask questions, studies, prayer support, engage in the civil debate of Christian doctrines from the scriptures and friendly fellowship.



SOURCE

The (Sometimes Frustrating) Gift of Sex

There's Hope for every Marriage

Dr. Juli Slattery believes there's hope for every marriage.

Psychologist, author, and TCW blogger Dr. Juli Slattery is dedicated to helping women pursue passion in their marriages. But, for many wives, deep frustrations are holding them back from experiencing the sexual intimacy they long for.
We spoke with Juli about the common causes of sexual frustration, her counsel for women facing sexual challenges, and the spiritual hope women can find in these difficult situations.


Many Christian couples deal with sexual frustration but feel very alone-as if everyone else is having a great time in the bedroom while they’re missing out. But is that true? How common is sexual frustration for married couples?

That feeling of others having great sex while you’re not is perpetuated by the movies and also by the fact that when a couple stays silent about it, it’s easy to think they’re the only ones having that problem. In reality, I’d say that only about 10 to 15 percent of couples do not have some significant frustration when it comes to sexuality. So it’s far more common to run into some sort of brick wall that really is difficult.

What do you see as the most common sources of frustration, pain, or disappointment for Christian women?

The first is not being able to enjoy sex. Perhaps she can’t enjoy sex because of physical pain or because it’s always just about what her husband needs and she can’t seem to get anything from it. The second most common frustration is due to a difference in desire levels, whether it’s the woman who wants sex more often and the husband doesn’t, or whether it’s the other way around.

For some Christian women, there’s an emotional desire to experience sex as something beautiful, passionate, and God-honoring, but there’s a disconnect with their actual physical experience. A woman may be frustrated because, in reality, she’s engaging in sexual intimacy more out of duty than real sexual desire. What encouragement would you offer for someone in that situation?

First, we need to recognize that female sexuality is way more complicated than male sexuality. Many couples don’t go into marriage fully grasping that. They just assume that somehow this is all going to work out and he’ll get his needs met and she’ll get her needs met. What often ends up happening is that, because the man’s needs are more obvious, he’s typically more vocal about them, and he knows how to get his needs met.

For many couples, the first several years of marriage become about the man’s sexuality, and what they do in the bedroom becomes about how the man gets satisfied. This often happens without couples even realizing it-and nobody stops to ask, What happened to the wife’s needs?

It’s not that hard for a woman to love a guy sexually in the moment, but it can be very difficult for a man to learn how to unlock his wife’s sexuality-especially when she might not even know how herself.

I do think that that’s a common struggle for Christian women-especially those who saved themselves sexually until marriage. They might not know where to begin in terms of their own sexual needs and desires.

Yes. For example, a husband may ask, “What do you want? What feels good?” And she’ll say, “I don’t know.” Then she might start to cry or get frustrated and give up. The average couple just proceeds like that over the course of their marriage; their sex life becomes all about what he wants and he needs, but it may be because she doesn’t know what she wants and what she needs.
The first step is recognizing that this sort of pattern is not what God intended. In order for sex to be fulfilling for the wife and the husband, it is going to take serious intentionality and focus on learning who she is sexually.

Some women have been in a marriage like that for 10 or 15 years and they start to believe, There must be something wrong with my body; I guess I just can never enjoy sex. That’s just not true! There’s most likely nothing wrong with your body-and if there is, it’s most likely something that’s very easily fixed. It often has a whole lot more to do with your mind, your emotions, and your spiritual beliefs about sexuality.

One reason a wife may feel there is something wrong with her body is if she is unable to reach climax. That can be a very deep, emotional wound for a woman.

I’m not a medical doctor, but from everything I’ve read from a medical perspective, a struggle to achieve climax is almost never a physical problem. While there can be hormone imbalances and things like that which impact sexual desire and response, it’s almost never due to an anatomical difficulty. The vast majority of the time, this sort of struggle has to do with a woman’s mind and what’s underlying her thinking about sexuality.

Sometimes orgasm starts to feel like the goal that she can never achieve, so even sex play has an implicit pressure for both the husband and wife-like, Is it going to happen now? It’s kind of like when you know you have to get to sleep and you’re so frustrated that you can’t sleep that as you work yourself up, you become less likely to fall asleep, and you get more and more upset.
And the same thing is true for a woman in this situation. A continual cycle of disappointment and frustration makes it even less likely that she’s going to overcome that difficulty.

How can a woman take steps to heal if she feels stuck in a painful cycle of disappointment?

I think the solution to this kind of struggle is a combination of two things. First, it means letting [climax] go as the ultimate goal. And I’d love for a woman in that situation to sit down and list all of the things that are wonderful about sex between her and her husband. For example, she might write, It’s just between him and me and we have secrets that are fun to keep.

Sometimes we laugh together. It feels good to be able to meet his needs. It feels good when he touches me here. To realize that sex really is about more than climaxing-that there are so many good things happening-is a first step. Making climax the only goal is really robbing you of all the other gifts involved.

The second thing is not to give up hope. Don’t settle for a mindset like, Well, I guess it’s just never really going to happen for me. Instead, begin to work on it and pray that God will bring the fullness of what he wants for you and your husband sexually.

Practically speaking, how can couples work on this issue together?

I’d recommend Cliff and Joyce Penner’s book Restoring the Pleasure, which explains how couples can engage in an exercise called “sensate focus” that can help a woman become more aware of her body and pleasure. It’s also important to keep in mind that many women can’t have an orgasm without direct stimulation to the clitoris. This means that many wives need manual stimulation-not just the friction of intercourse. So don’t be shy about making this a normal part of your sexual interaction with your husband.

Sexual frustration can lead a wife to start to feel resentful toward her husband. How can she handle those feelings?

At the core of this is the common frustration that your husband isn’t like you. Whether it’s because he wants sex more often or less often or differently than you want it, that can really set both of you up for a lot of underlying anger and resentment.
For me, as a wife, it was really huge to let go of some of that anger I felt and to realize that it could be that God intentionally made me and my husband very different for his purposes. In fact, frustration is actually part of the whole gift of sex.

Think of it this way: if you and your husband were exactly the same and had the same desire, then having sex would cost you nothing. You could be selfish and be a great lover at the same time. But the way God designed it, it’s impossible to be selfish and be a great lover at the same time. It requires of you to do what Philippians 2 tells us to do: to consider the other person’s needs as more important than your own and to have a spirit of humility.

That’s what God wants in us more than anything else: he wants us to have the right heart toward our spouse. If sexual frustration is one of the things he uses, then ultimately that’s a good thing if we handle it right.

We don’t normally think of sexual frustration as a spiritual growth catalyst! What can it look like for frustration in this area to actually help a woman become more spiritually mature?

Let me just share how God is teaching me this. About seven or eight years ago, I was in that place of a woman who really was resentful about sex. Yet at the same time that I felt that way, I also had a very close walk with the Lord.
I distinctly remember one time when I was praying: Lord, I’m yours. How do you want me to serve you? I’m willing to go to the mission field for you-I’m willing to do whatever you call me to. And God clearly started to challenge me in my heart: You’re willing to do all these things, but are you willing to go up and initiate sex with your husband? Put down your Bible and go up and show your husband love.
That really hit me. I think a lot of women are in that place where they would do anything for the Lord, but this is such a tangible thing to give-and it can be such a difficult thing to give. It’s a true test of not just your devotion to your husband but also your devotion to God.

God challenged me to look at my own selfishness in a very tangible way. We hear over and over and over again from the world, “It’s your body, it’s your right.” Yes, we definitely need to hear that in certain circumstances-but Scripture also tells us that it’s not only your body. Your husband also has authority over your body. Scripture challenges both husbands and wives with a very different message: it’s not okay to be selfish with your body.

What’s the most important thing you’d like to say to Christian couples who are currently facing sexual challenges?

Look at the sexual frustration you’re experiencing not as a stop sign, but actually as something that can take you to a deeper level of intimacy with your husband. In working with couples who have been through every frustration you can imagine-from pornography addiction to adultery to physical pain during sex to many other difficulties-those who have persevered and sought the Lord through the process have, without exception, said, "I would never give up what we’ve learned. That was the hardest thing we’ve had to go through, but we are so much closer than we ever could have been if we had not gone through that trial."

Are you sexually frustrated in your marriage? Seek the Lord, work through the obstacle you’re facing, and do so with the hope that the intimacy that you build is going to be so much better than what you initially thought sex could be.






By Kelli B. Trujillo        Read what sex outside marriage says about you




Click here to join our Global non-denominational online community and engage in bible discussions, ask questions, studies, prayer support, engage in the civil debate of Christian doctrines from the scriptures and friendly fellowship.

Your Messed-Up Story

Even your failures and struggles can point others to Jesus

Your real story

Live such a good life that people will wonder what makes you different, and they’ll want what you have: Jesus.

Variants of this message have been reiterated to me throughout my lifetime in the church. It’s a critical component of evangelism, echoing verses like, “Live such good lives among the pagans that . . . they may see your good deeds and glorify God” (1 Peter 2:12, NIV) and, “For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light!” (Ephesians 5:8).

Yet in my experience, I’ve found that this essential truth can oh-so-easily morph into a counterfeit message: Seem so perfect-so ideal, so sinless, so got-it-all-together-that people will wonder how you’re so flawless and will want what you have: Jesus.

Your real story

That kind of mindset? It’s dangerous. It pressures us to hide away our faults and failures, to hold back negative emotions or struggles, and to present a version of Christianity that’s simply not the bonafide gospel. Yet in reality, a façade of perfection is actually off-putting for most people who are well acquainted with their own struggles and can’t relate to a super-human, got-it-all-together life.

As I wrote in my Bible study Shine Your Light when it comes to sharing our testimony with others,
Our goal isn’t to show people how good we are-it is to reveal how good Jesus is. And this means inviting people into our real story-our story that includes struggles and sin, faults and failings, but also the joy of redemption, forgiveness, and grace! Rather than aiming to be fake, perfect-life people, instead we live as satisfied, still-a-bit-broken sinners who proclaim Jesus’ transformative grace. . . .

You most accurately proclaim the gospel when you’re real and authentic with others, willing to share hurts, questions, and struggles along with assurances, victories, and joys.

Beyond "before and after"

“Almost seven years ago, I was in my deepest cycle of bulimia, even though I was a student ministry intern and biblical studies and ministry major at a Bible college,” describes Anne Wilson, who today is on staff at a church. “Although I’m now fully recovered from bulimia, I still deal with body dysmorphic thoughts and an intense struggle with body image.

“It would be easy if God just waved a big magic wand and got rid of this,” continues Anne, “but for me, it hasn’t worked out like that. I thought this would be a ‘before and after’ story, like ‘I struggled with body image, met Jesus, but now am totally secure and my identity is on him alone.’ But instead, this ongoing struggle has kept me coming back to Jesus-asking him to continually write a bigger story with my life.”

While coming to faith in Jesus certainly changes our lives for the better, they don’t become instantly perfect. Troubles, heartaches, and failures persist. We still struggle; indeed, “We all make many mistakes” (James 3:2). Sharing not just our “before and after” stories but also our “in the middle of it” realities point others not toward ourselves but instead toward the Cross-toward the redemption and grace that both saved us and keeps on saving us.

We find a poignant example of such testimony in Paul’s first epistle to Timothy:
This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”-and I am the worst of them all. But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life.” (1 Timothy 1:15-16)

Your struggle-your own ongoing failing or temptation or deep hurt-can also serve as a powerful example of God’s great patience with sinners when you choose to speak honestly about it with others.

Value imperfection

“We need to be real about the fact that we don’t have it all together, and this starts from the inside out,” says author and justice-advocate Amber Robinson. “It’s not so much about managing what we say, which is exhausting, but rather of us working on our inner life. Just like in the natural world in which growth comes from decomposed organic matter, our struggles, pains, and imperfections are what grows the good stuff. You can’t have one without the other.”

This mindset of acknowledging and facing the struggles and failures that can be part of the Christian life is built up within us through our own intimate walks with God-through practices like confession, self-examination, accountability, and Scripture meditation. First and foremost, we’re real before God. We invite him to search us and know us (Psalm 139:23), and through him, we better come to know ourselves. We’re able to value our imperfections because they goad us on toward greater reliance upon God.

It is then that we’re able to be more real and open with others about the “messy” aspects of our lives and, in doing so, we offer something richer and more substantive than any pretense of perfection can: a genuine gospel for the context of life as we actually experience it. We embody, through our honesty, a faith that has staying power even in life’s toughest moments.

Build trust

“I believe that evangelism comes down to communication and trust. They often open the door for the Holy Spirit to do his work,” says musician and worship leader Sarah Scharbrough McLaughlin. “Sharing my seasons of life-both mountaintop and valley experiences-helps to tear down walls between me and others and offer a vulnerability that allows connection to happen.”

Sarah compares this type of purposeful vulnerability to something she’s observed in her kids: “When my children play on a playground and meet new kids, they immediately share where they ‘earned’ a particular scab or bruise. Once they’ve shared their rough spots, they’re best friends on the playground!
“Similarly,” she says, “I think this type of transparency leads to the appropriate amount of intimacy needed in order to talk about spiritual things.”

Be discerning and courageous

While it’s important to be open about struggles, our vulnerability must be tempered with caution. Just as others aren’t benefited by you presenting a flawless façade, they similarly aren’t blessed by hearing a barrage of your problems. What and how to share specifically may vary widely depending on who you are speaking to. What’s critical is leaning upon the aid of the Holy Spirit, discerning God’s guidance, and responding in obedience.

There are often legitimate reasons not to share difficulties or struggles. For example, if another’s privacy would be compromised or a relationship harmed, if sharing your difficulty might actually be a stumbling block that impedes faith and discipleship, it’s best to keep it to yourself. If you sense that the relationship or setting isn’t safe-if perhaps another might gossip about you or hold what you’ve shared against you-then wisdom and discernment in what and how much you share is especially critical.

But alongside these legitimate reasons to be cautious comes a whole host of illegitimate ones that try to lure you back toward the perfect-façade version of evangelism. It may be pride holding you back, or fear of being vulnerable, or even a hidden sense of shame. When you’re led by God to be more open about hard parts of your life, take heart like God urged Joshua: “Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).

Blessed by your mess

“After I had my son, I dealt with some postpartum depression off and on for several months,” describes Anne. “Almost a year later, I was sitting down at a wedding rehearsal, chatting with another mom that I went to high school with (who isn’t a Christian). She briefly mentioned her struggles in motherhood, and I told her about my own bout with postpartum depression.

“She was floored,” Anne continues. “She couldn’t believe someone ‘with so much faith’ also struggled with depression-like her. She felt relieved, actually, hearing about my similar experience.”
When we drop the veneer of never-let-‘em-see-you-sweat faith and instead courageously and honestly speak about our journey with Christ-even the tough bits-we build a real connection. We issue a compelling invitation to grace.






By Kelli B. Trujillo

Prayer Primer for Parents

Learn the richness of this daily discipline with your child

Starting something new can be as difficult for parents as it is for children. Our busy lives often make creating a new discipline hard to imagine. But the richness of a daily prayer moment between you, your child, and God will create a new dimension, a peace in your life that helps to transcend all the chaos.

It starts with one simple step-a commitment to do it every night. Once the pattern is established, you will be surprised by how much you and your child look forward to your prayer time. It becomes a focal point for the end of your day, and something you will always cherish, even as your child begins to develop his or her independent prayer life. Below are some simple guidelines to help you get started on the journey.

Easy Steps to Praying with Your Child

Pick a Time: Set aside a specific time to say a prayer with your child every night. Try to be consistent.

Pick a Place: Create a quiet, comfortable, peaceful atmosphere in which to pray with your child (in bed, low light, door closed).

Plan the Prayer: First discuss the purpose of prayer with your child. For example, thanking God, or asking for God's help. Give your child an example of a free-form prayer, especially if he or she is used to doing prayers by rote. Understand that speaking directly to God out loud, even if your mother or father is the only one in the room, can be intimidating to a young child.

Create an Opening: Come up with an opening together for the prayer. For example: "Dear God" or "Dear Jesus." This helps you signal to your child that it's time to settle down and begin. It also makes the process less intimidating for children because they have a familiar starting point every night.

Give Your Child the Reins: Let your child begin the prayer, but prompt him or her when necessary. For example: "Are there good things that happened today that you want to thank God for? Is there anyone in our life who is hurting and needs God's help that we should pray for?"

Be Patient: If your child gets stuck or frustrated, tell him or her that God doesn't have a specific plan people need to follow when they pray. Guide, don't push. Only step in when your child asks for help. Silent moments during the prayer should not be considered obstacles, but moments of quiet reflection.

Thank God for Those You Love: At the end of the prayer ask your child to think about the people in his or her life that he or she wants to specifically thank God for. It can be family, friends, pets-anyone within your child's circle of love.

Create a Closing: Come up with a closing together. For example: "Thank you for my family. Amen." This will help your child know prayer time is over and it's time to go to sleep. This can be especially useful when your child is tired and struggling and needs to be guided toward a conclusion.

Document Your Prayer Life: Keep a journal of the topics you and your child pray about for 30 days, and then review it to see how he or she is growing spiritually. Ask yourself: Is my child becoming more comfortable with the process? Is there anything I can do to make my child more comfortable?

Relax and Enjoy: Now that you have made prayer a regular part of your and your child's life, relax and enjoy the tradition you have created. Remember, it isn't about the length of the prayer, or whether or not it is profound or grammatically correct; it is about sharing your child's heart with God.

Prayer Starters

Sometimes figuring out how to begin a prayer is the most difficult part of the process. A Bible verse can be a helpful prompt for your child, giving him or her something to think about. First, read the verse to your child or have your child read the verse to you and ask what he or she thinks it means. Then discuss the possible meanings of the verse together. Ask your child to use the lesson as background or context for the prayer.

1. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16)
Discuss: What does it mean to you that God gave us Jesus, that he sacrificed his Son for us?
Prayer: Let's thank God for everything he does for us, including giving us eternal life.

2. "But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.' " (Luke 18:16)
Discuss: Why do you think children are special to God?
Prayer: Let's thank God for putting his hands beneath children and keeping them safe.

3. "For he will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help." (Psalm 72:12)
Discuss: Why is it so important to God that we help people in need?
Prayer: Are there people in your life or in the world in need that you want to ask God to help?

4. "The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it." (Psalm 24:1)
Discuss: Who does God love? People? Animals? Plants?
Prayer: Name some of the things in God's creation that you want to thank him for-for example, dogs, sunshine, your friends.

5. "Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:39)
Discuss : How much do you love God? Why do you love God so much?
Prayer : Thank God for his love and ask him to work through you to help you love others more.

6. "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." (Psalm 46:1)
Discuss : Think about times in your life, tough times, when you really need God.
Prayer: Thank God for being there in those difficult times, and ask him to continue to be there when life gets hard.

7. "The Lord is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear?" (Psalm 27:1)
Discuss: Talk about things you are afraid of-for example, the dark, taking a test at school, making new friends. Discuss how God can help take away our fears.
Prayer: Thank God for helping you to be strong and confident in your life every single day.

8. "This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalm 118:24)
Discuss : Why do you think it's important to have a positive attitude every day? Do you have one? What could you do to be more positive?
Prayer: Thank God for everything that makes our lives special and wonderful every day.




By Amanda Lamb

Anxious about Being Alone

Ways to Feel Less Anxious about Being Alone

In the beginning of the year, I took a month off from social media. I signed in the my accounts, deleted all of the apps, blocked the websites on my small computer, and walked back. Some buddies think it is dramatic, others empathized and expressed a wish to complete exactly the same factor, but everybody readily acknowledged that it is true how social networking and technology have grown to be obsessions within our culture today.

I required a rest not always since i desired to, speculate I understood I desired to. I used to be realizing patterns within my existence that didn’t feel healthy-- the inclination to seize my phone and mindlessly scroll whenever I'd an extra moment, the fixation around the statistics and also the supporters, the judgment and comparison-- and that i understood I did not wish to keep living this way. I had been seeking affirmation from others rather to find my worth within the Lord. I had been filling my thoughts using the words, ideas, and lies the planet stored tossing at me rather of meditating on God’s Word.

I wasn’t making room for stillness. I wasn’t creating space for solitude. I had been crowding every potentially quiet moment with noise, distractions, and stuff that only distanced me farther from my ideas, my fears, as well as my belief.

I required a rest not always since i desired to, speculate I understood I desired to. I used to be realizing patterns within my existence that didn’t feel healthy-- the inclination to seize my phone and mindlessly scroll whenever I'd an extra moment, the fixation around the statistics and also the supporters, the judgment and comparison-- and that i understood I did not wish to keep living this way. I had been seeking affirmation from others rather to find my worth within the Lord. I had been filling my thoughts using the words, ideas, and lies the planet stored tossing at me rather of meditating on God’s Word.

I wasn’t making room for stillness. I wasn’t creating space for solitude. I had been crowding every potentially quiet moment with noise, distractions, and stuff that only distanced me farther from my ideas, my fears, as well as my belief.

Molly Rigoloso lately authored articles for Gospel Taboo known as “When Being Alone Causes Us To Be Anxious” and she or he addresses the center from the matter here: we're searching for respite from hard, the uncomfortable, the uncertain, and also the frightening, and we're looking it up in lesser things.

“I choose easy, quick gratification since i don’t really think that at God’s right hands you will find pleasures forevermore (Ps. 16:11). After I spend some time alone, I’m faced with my fears. After I shouldn't feel afraid, I go to distractions.”

After I removed all of the distractions from my existence which i was most vulnerable to go to, I recognized precisely how correct that is at my existence-- I had been attempting to keep the fears away by continuing to keep myself busy and distracted and consumed by other activities, so when all that vanished, I really needed to come on with myself with God by what happening within my heart as well as in my existence. It shocked me how easily anxiety crept in when I had been truly alone.

So, so what can we all do to higher live our way of life and seek respite from the troubles of the world in healthy, God-honoring ways?

Practice prayer

It may be difficult to be still with this ideas, particularly when we’re inside a quiet conversation using the Lord who we can’t see tangibly before us. “Like most everything, spending some time in prayer takes practice,” Rigoloso writes. “We need to practice regular rhythms of prayer since it doesn’t come naturally to all of us.Inches Beginning having a prayer guide is really a useful way to produce a daily practice of prayer -- we like this 30-day prayer challenge for fighting anxiety and stress using the promises of God, which one concentrating on gratitude.

Pray having a quiet heart

The world doesn't frequently promote silence or encourage it, also it can feel disorienting to buy an area where noise doesn't overwhelm your senses. Escaping the hubbub to become still prior to the Lord is really crucial for the sake of our belief, though. “When we don’t permit stillness and solitude using the Lord, we’re not allowing our damaged, corrupted hearts a crowd using the physician who found heal them (Ps 147:3, Mark 2:7),” states Rigoloso. “It’s like getting use of an ER physician if you have a gaping wound although not sticking around for stitches. We slap bandaids on the wounds without receiving healing care.”

Run to Jesus, not distraction

Rigoloso writes that “instead of running from what’s within our hearts, we ought to run with this whole hearts to the only person who promises rest (Matt. 11:28-29).” This can be a major shift, and something which will likely feel vulnerable and intimidating at occasions, but it’s only with the Lord that people will find true rest, healing, forgiveness, and freedom. “The initial step to going after the type of love and belief that drives out fear would be to understand that the remainder we seek originates from none other (Ps. 62:5). After we realize it’s Jesus we actually need, we are able to begin to confess our necessity of him through prayer,” states Rigoloso.

Conclusion

For me personally, an extreme overhaul of my habits and actions was necessary to return to a wholesome host to frequent solitude, silence, reflection, and rest using the Lord, however i would encourage you to begin with only one small change today. Maybe create a couple of moments on your lunch time to wish, write one page inside a journal without distractions, or challenge you to ultimately leave your phone behind for any slice of time.

Ask today the Lord is needed you build healthier habits while you aim to embrace being alone together with your ideas and the presence. Ask he would ease your anxious spirit and calm your worried heart because he reminds you from the truth of his Word. Pray he is needed you “lift our gaze upward to him and outward to other people,Inches as Rigoloso writes.